


Vse

by pensversusswords



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Age Swap, Coach Katsuki Yuuri, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Victor Nikiforov, Insecurity, M/M, reverse au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 03:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14741004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pensversusswords/pseuds/pensversusswords
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov has everything he could ever possibly want. He has Makkachin, he has a flourishing skating career, and most importantly he has Yuuri. Kind, reserved, beautiful Yuuri. [...]Having everything is terrifying.***In which Viktor is still learning how to be vulnerable and honest, and Yuuri is there with him the whole way.





	Vse

Viktor has everything he could ever possibly want. He has Makkachin, he has a flourishing skating career, and most importantly he has  _ Yuuri _ . Kind, reserved, beautiful Yuuri.

As he’s flying through the last run through of his routine for the day, he looks over and sees Yuuri leaning over the rinkside boards, his eyes completely focused on Viktor. It’s just a second—he’s got the wind and ice under his feet and he can only spare the briefest moment to see him before he’s subsumed by the routine once again—but he can still feel Yuuri’s eyes on him. 

Having everything is terrifying. 

Yuuri has this way about him that makes Viktor feel like he’s always at the centre of his universe. Viktor doesn’t think he can be blamed for being scared of losing that; he’s notoriously known for being too much, to demanding, too affectionate. It’s not much of a reach to  worry that his coach-turned-boyfriend would tire of that eventually. 

Viktor doesn’t say anything, but sometimes the ache in his chest is so hard to bear. In moments like this when he feels Yuuri’s eyes on him like he’s at the center of his everything, Victor just can’t help those feelings. 

_ Yuuri loves you,  _ he always tries to reminds himself.  _ He loves you, he makes you feel important, he loves you.  _

As Viktor lands the final triple lutz of his routine  (clean, concise) and slides into an Ina Bauer (fluid, graceful) he basks in Yuuri’s gaze. He likes the feeling of _ knowing _ that Yuuri will be proud of him for that run through of his routine. 

“How’d I do?” Viktor calls out between pants as he breaks his final pose and skates over to Yuuri. He feels the heaviness of exertion in his chest as he struggles to catch his breath again. 

“Excellent,” Yuuri calls back. He’s smiling as Viktor reaches him and comes to a halt on the other side of the boards. 

Viktor grins. “Just excellent?” he teases. “That’s it? What about stunning, show stopping, enchanting—”

He cuts himself off Yuuri leans over the boards and brushes his gloved hand across Viktor’s cheek. “You were beautiful,” he says, smiling in that subdued way of his, completely failing to hide his amusement. He leans in then to place his lips on Viktor’s for a moment, and Viktor happily allows himself to melt into the kiss. 

When he pulls away, Viktor is unabashed in the fact that he’s absolutely beaming. “Yeah?” He’s still giddy with the adrenaline of practicing all morning, high on Yuuri’s praise. “I can do it one more time just for you, if you want.” He can’t help but wink at Yuuri, a smile unrelentingly pulling at the corners of his mouth as he slings one arm over Yuuri’s shoulders. 

Yuuri lets out a familiar, quiet, gentle laugh. “As much as I would love that, you’ve had enough for today. Don’t look at me like that, Vitya,” Yuuri reprimands when Viktor pouts. “It’s my responsibility to make sure you don’t strain yourself, right?”

“So mean,” he laments. Yuuri shrugs, completely unaffected. Viktor knows more than anyone just how stubborn he can be. He takes Viktor’s health very seriously. “Fine. Lunch?” he asks rather than pushing it further. 

Yuuri leans in to kiss Viktor again. Viktor hums happily into the kiss and presses back against Yuuri’s mouth. 

When he pulls away this time, Yuuri says; “Ah, I think I will go home right away, if that’s alright? We can get dinner tomorrow night?” 

Viktor blinks in surprise. He’d already been thinking about what they would have, wondering if he could get Yuuri to budge on his diet just for one day (highly unlikely but worth a shot). 

“Oh!” he says. He forces a smile and ignores the slight pang in his chest.  “Of course, Yuuri.” 

Yuuri kisses him one last time before shooing him off to go shower and change, then kisses him one more time. Viktor watches him leave with an ache in his chest, already mentally berating himself for his foolishness. 

_ You shouldn’t have assumed. You’re suffocating him. You’re asking too much. You’ll drive him away. _

Viktor isn’t able to stop thinking about it for the rest of the day. He doesn’t know why, maybe it’s just been building inside him for so long that he’s reached his threshold, but he’s faintly numb as he makes his way to the changing room to shower. He spends far too long standing under the spray, running his hand through his nearly waist length hair, trying to focus on the soothing motion of massaging shampoo into his scalp. 

When he gets home, he takes Makkachin on a longer walk than usual that afternoon. His legs ache faintly from practice that morning, but he ignores it as he takes her all the way to her favourite park. They’re burning by the time they’re heading home after a rigorous game of catch in the dog park. He likes it. It’s a good distraction. 

He’s on the couch with Makkachin watching some mindless late night talk show, not succeeding in keeping himself from checking his phone every few minutes, when his phone finally buzzes. 

His heart melts when he opens his phone to find the message “I hope you’re having a good night. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow”, attached with an image of Yuuri’s face, his hair tousled and his glasses off so Viktor can see just how sleepy he looks. He wants to reach through the phone and touch his cheek, brush the stray hairs away from his face. 

He sends his own good night selfie as he wonders how much longer he’ll be lucky enough to get these kinds of messages from Yuuri. 

After he crawls into bed that night, he stares at the image on his phone, reminding himself that he has to enjoy this while he still can. 

***

Yuuri isn’t one to ever break a promise. They have dinner the next night—Yuuri cooks for him like the true gentleman he is—and Viktor spends the whole time hating himself for the knot that is still tied in his chest. He’s tired, and every time Yuuri laughs, his heart aches a little bit. He loves Yuuri  _ so much _ . How truly doesn’t know how he ever managed to go without this. 

Viktor knows that he’s not doing well with hiding his discomfort that evening (it’s always harder to pretend around Yuuri) and truly he should have expected Yuuri to notice it easily. Yuuri is nothing if not perceptive; usually Viktor adores how much attention Yuuri pays to him, but it also means that he’s not able to escape Yuuri’s questioning gaze. 

He makes it up until they’re curling up on the couch next to each other in front of the TV before Yuuri finally says something. 

“Are you alright, Viktor?” Yuuri asks after Viktor lets out a laugh that sounds brittle and forced even to his own ears. Yuuri’s voice is colored by that underlying note of concern Viktor knows by heart at this point, his brows drawn together worriedly. 

“Hmm?” Viktor widens his eyes, tries to look as unaware as possible. “Of course, Yuuri!”

Yuuri sighs. “Vitya,” he says quietly, “It’s fine to not want to talk about it, but…”

Viktor winces. He knows Yuuri hates when he tries to talk around his emotions.  _ You’re allowed to be sad, Vitya,  _ he always says.  _ You don’t have to tell me why, but you also don’t have to pretend.  _

“I know, I know,” Viktor says, giving Yuuri the most brittle smile before he can catch himself. He winces again when he realizes. “Sorry, force of habit.”

Yuuri—sweet, sweet Yuuri—gives him a small, sad smile. “Don’t apologize, silly,” he says gently. Viktor’s heart throbs when Yuuri leans in and places a soft kiss on the crest of his cheekbone. “I just want you to be okay. You seem a bit sad.”

Viktor isn’t used to this. He isn’t used to someone  _ caring  _ this much, and he’s not used to _ believing  _ that someone cares this much. 

Maybe that’s what pushes him to speak, in the end. The words, unbidden and flowing without giving him time to think about, he never would have been able to speak a year, two years ago. 

“Do I bother you, sometimes?” Viktor can hear how small his voice sounds. Small and scared. He doesn’t want to hear the answer, but he  _ needs  _ to. 

Yuuri’s frown deepens. “Bother me?” He turns to Viktor fully, giving Viktor all of his attention, just like he always does. “What are you talking about, Vitya?”

Viktor sighs. There’s no point in dancing around it anymore—he knows that Yuuri isn’t going to let him out of this one easily. 

Unable to keep still, Viktor gets up and stalks across the room, arms crossed over his chest as if holding himself, as if that would keep him safe from this conversation. He stares through the sheer curtains, out into the moonlit street outside the apartment building. The window is open a crack even though it’s starting to get cold outside, the air carrying the promise of a wintery chill. Viktor shivers as a slight breeze flutters through the curtains. He wraps his arms tighter around himself. 

“I know I can be… overbearing.” Viktor says haltingly. He feels the words throb and expand in the ache of his chest. “I probably overwhelm you sometimes. Or maybe I annoy you. I don’t want to annoy you. I’m just always asking for attention and I always want to hold your hand and spend time with you and—”

“Viktor.” Yuuri has followed him across the room and he’s now reaching to touch Viktor’s elbow tentatively.

Tears are pricking at the backs of his eyes. He blinks rapidly, unsuccessfully willing them away. 

“ _ Viktor.  _ Please, look at me?” 

He’s never been able to refuse Yuuri anything. He looks up. 

Yuuri reaches out and presses the palms of his hands to either side of Viktor’s face, his hands soft and gentle. Viktor soaks in the touch, sighs in relief at the contact. “You have never once bothered me, Vitya. I’m lucky that you even want to spend time with a washed up ‘has been’ like me.”

This time it’s Viktor’s turn to frown at him. How many times has he told Yuuri that he hates when he talks like that? “Yuuri…”

“I know, I know.” Yuuri sighs. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

He pauses for a moment, and Viktor waits. He doesn’t want to say any more; he’s already said more than enough. 

“Sometimes I just need to be alone to think,” Yuuri explains. “It has nothing to do with you. It’s just… how I deal with things. When my head gets a little too crowded, sometimes I just need to step back for a bit. Most times nothing is even wrong, I just need the time for myself.” 

Viktor frowns a little. “Because I bother you?”

“No, no!” Yuuri’s voice takes on a slightly frantic edge. “Never, Viktor. It has nothing to do with you, it’s just… how I am. I always… whenever I’m away from you, it never takes long for me to start missing you.”

Viktor watches Yuuri carefully as he considers this. “Really?”

Yuuri gives him a weak smile and nods. “Yes,” he says fervently. “Viktor, if only I could properly tell you how much I adore you, how much I—”

“You don’t mind how touchy I am?”

“No,” Yuuri says quickly, so fast that Viktor can’t reasonably have a doubt that he’s lying. “I love it Viktor, I—it makes me feel special.”

Viktor can’t help but beam a bit at that. Those words are music to his ears. He wants Yuuri to feel special always.  “Good,” he says. “Because you are special.” He pauses. “Kiss me?” His entire body is aching with how much he needs it.

Yuuri’s smile in return is the sweetest thing Viktor has ever seen. He doesn’t hesitate,  stepping a bit closer and pressing his mouth to Viktor’s in the sweetest kiss Viktor thinks he’s ever been given. He doesn’t want it to end; he leans into Yuuri’s warmth like he’s a lifeline, like he’s the only thing that can keep him grounded in this world. 

Of course, he does have to pull away eventually. When he does, he doesn’t move far. He bumps their noses together and his heart expands at the tiny smile it puts on Yuuri’s face.

“We’re different,” Viktor says. “But that’s okay.”

“It’s okay?” Yuuri asks. His soft, deep brown eyes are intent and focused on Viktor’s face. Viktor never wants to look away. 

“I’m okay with you taking as much time as you need,” Viktor says with absolute surety. “Just so long as you come back to me, my Yuuri.”

“I’ll always come back to you, my Vitya,” Yuuri assures him. “I can’t stay away.”

Those words fill Viktor’s chest with the lightness of relief. With a sigh, Viktor bumps his forehead gently against Yuuri’s.. “I was just scared you didn’t want me,” he admits. “Or I’d drive you away with my constant need for affection. But if I know that you just need the space _ for you  _ rather than  _ from me _ … I’ll be okay. I can’t promise that I won’t have doubts sometimes so… please be patient?” 

His heart thuds in his chest. He tries to squash down the voice in his head:  _ You’re asking too much, you’re asking too much, you’re asking too much. _

Yuuri strokes his thumb across Viktor’s cheek ever-so-gently. “If you can be patient with me for needing space sometimes, then I’m sure I can make the sacrifice of giving you absurd amounts of affection as often as possible.”

The teasing note in Yuuri’s voice makes a small, breathy laugh escape from Viktor’s lips. “Will it truly be that hard?” he asks, but this time he’s smiling and he doesn’t feel so much like he’s about to cry. Progress.

Yuuri smiles at him softly. “I’ll manage,” he says. 

This time when they kiss, it’s with a tentative and relieved laugh of Viktor’s lips. He smiles through the kiss, can’t help a giggle escaping his lips when Yuuri wraps his arms more solidly around his waist and holds him close

They disturb Makkachin when they make their way back to the couch and collapse next to her. She wakes with a displeased sigh, but then steps over them to insert herself between the two of them, demanding attention and scratches. Laughing, they both happily oblige, cooing over her until she settles down again. Once she’s settled, Viktor realizes that he feels the absence of Yuuri’s arms around him. He hesitates for a brief moment before he reminds himself that _ yes _ , yes he is allowed, then he tentatively brushes his fingers against Yuuri’s wrist. “Yuuri, hold me?” 

Yuuri chuckles,  kisses just behind Viktor’s ear, already starting to pull Viktor closer. “Of course.”

After a bit of maneuvering, Viktor ends up reclining Yuuri’s arms, his back against his chest and Yuuri’s arms solidly around his waist holding him like it’s the only place in the entire world he belongs. Yuuri holds him against his chest like it’s where he belongs, and even though their talk hasn’t absolved all of his doubts in a puff of smoke, as he huddles closer into Yuuri’s arms, he feels a bit lighter. Light enough that he’s more than content to shelve those fears for later and let the safety of Yuuri’s arms anchor him to the earth. 

Makkachin huffs as she settles her head into Viktor’s lap and Viktor tangles his fingers in her fur, contentment thrumming through his body as he remembers that he really  _ does _ have everything he could ever possibly want. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [my tumblr](http://pensversusswords.tumblr.com/) or [my twitter](http://twitter.com/pensvsswords)!


End file.
